I can text with my tongue
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
