So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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