Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
