Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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