You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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