i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
