Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
