Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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