I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
