He had one of those small greek statue penises
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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