Your tits are I can't wait for
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
