I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
