theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
We don't watch enough power rangers
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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