dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
