I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
