it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
