just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
