New invention idea: vibrating tampons
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
