Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize