What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
