using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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