Whod you bang
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
