perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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