I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
