i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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