He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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