Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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