the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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