I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
