the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
