look no pants
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
