Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize