I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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