I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
