Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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