In America we eat man semen.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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