70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
