vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
