There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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