The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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