That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
