I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
