does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
