If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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