Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Randomize