Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
