I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
