OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
