I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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