but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
