There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
