I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
