I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
