You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
