Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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