And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
