If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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