I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
