I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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