Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
