At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
