I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
