69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
