There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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