he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I was not drunk enough for that final.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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