I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
