it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize